friendly integrity

[meganursula]

This is where the party ends
I can't stand here listening to you
And your racist friend
I know politics bore you
But I feel like a hypocrite talking to you
And your racist friend

It was the loveliest party that I've ever attended
If anything was broken I'm sure it could be mended
My head can't tolerate this bobbing and pretending
Listen to some bullet-head and the madness that he's saying

This is where the party ends
I'll just sit here wondering how you
Can stand by your racist friend
I know politics bore you
But I feel like a hypocrite talking to you
You and your racist friend

-- TMBG

Is it alright to have a racist friend?

So, i've been thinking about this problem for a while now. I've been spurred on by a few personal situations, as well as the similarity between this question and the question of 'Do you have to support the application of your job?'.

Does it show a lack of integrity to associate with a project/person that is engaged in behavior of which you dissaprove? Does not speaking/acting against such behavior imply support of that behavior?

Is it ethically imperative to express your disaproval of a decision? Is it important to act against actions of which you disaprove, or is it enough to disassociate yourself with those actions? Is it ethically imperative to speak publically in support of actions of which you do approve?

When does an action become an issue about which one can't agree to disagree? Does it matter if it is only one flaw in an otherwise admirable project/person? Does it matter whether it directly hurts other people, or whether it is just a generally bad idea? Does it matter whether it affects you personally, or only affects other people (eg. its not your business)?

I've sort of come to the following general conclusion:

If I am asked directly about my opinion on a subject, or behavior, it is necessary to express my opinion honestly. I believe that this is true even if it risks losing a friend, or income. It may be my place to raise the subject if i feel that people making decisions are not working with full information.

It may not be my place to raise a subject, particularly if it concerns other peoples' personal decisions.

Otherwise, the lines are fuzzy; most things are not black and white. I tend to be a status quo person, though, which guides my behavior. I do not necessarily think that this is ethically admirable.

Comments

[safetybitch.livejournal.com]

Sometimes the ability to get along with people you disagree with is just as important.. you've always been the diplomat in our family :)

Also, not everyone can be the activist grabbing the media's attention.
http://www.cnn.com/2002/US/West/12/04/old.oak.ap/index.html

[eub.livejournal.com]

I wonder about this at times when it's staring me in the face that, for example, Catholic friend A believes gay friend B is going straight to Hell. (I'm going to Hell too, but maybe by the scenic route.)

For me I think associating with a person whom I have reservations about is different from associating with an organization like that. With a person, we're both tolerating each other, working around our disapprovals. An organization doesn't have to tolerate me, just use me; it tends towards amorality.

One place to draw the line is whether I'm acting more as a conscience or more as a tool. Hard to judge.

There's also the diffusion of responsibility. I despise drug tests, but I pissed in a cup to work with IBM because my manager described it as a Federal requirement following on from some government contract they had blah blah. So I gave IBM no motivation to renegotiate the next contract, or lobby against the law.

[mh75.livejournal.com]

Well, so, i agree with both of you that you have to choice your fights. But, when does something cross the line?

I mean, if Catholic friend A was going around and murdering gay people, that would be pretty clearly unacceptable. What if A declined to hire B for a job because of B's sexual identity?

Or, what if you really don't think that the military should be running around killing whales? Are you required to decline a position on a sonar project? Are you required to notify the press that the military is doing something bad?

(I should point out that i do not think that this is the case with my particular sonar project. I think the military is doing its best to mitigate possible risks given the knowledge that they have.)

[shoebox-bird.livejournal.com]

With regard to everyday Ethics, you have to take things as they come. Try to live your life such that you remain true to your personal beliefs and ideals. If you're doing something and it feels wrong to you, it probably is. Stop doing it and you'll feel a lot better. Your conscience is there for a reason - it keeps you on track for being a just and fair human being.

'Course, 2 cents and grain of salt n'ant.

[eub.livejournal.com]

It's troubling to know that many of the worst people are absolutely true to their personal beliefs and ideals. But I don't know what we can do about it, so there it is.

[mh75.livejournal.com]

I guess this arises because there are times when i am clearly not happy with my moral standing on an issue, but the best of my brain power tells me not to act on that displeasure. I do not think i should trust my gut above my brain, because sometimes my gut is wrong. (My gut would tell me to burn all exisiting copies of 'Quest', but my brain tells me this would be a poor decision.)

Perhaps the question isn't whether it is alright to have a moral disconnect with something, but rather what is the most effective way to deal with that disconnect?

[eub.livejournal.com]

I don't know.

For a friend, I think my line is where they take some certain amount of direct personal action. The hiring discrimination, for example, would cross the line. Politically and financially supporting discrimination... that's hard. I can't condone it, but some level of activism comes along with belief, and I don't think I should cut myself off from everyone whose beliefs go against mine. Isolation into like-minded groups is not a social virtue.

I don't think that applies with organizations, so I'm not inclined to cut them as much slack.