parenting reading
Dec. 30th, 2008 02:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
meganursulai'm still on my reading about parenting kick.
I have recently finished Parenting with Love and Logic. I got some things out of this book - the premise is that you always give your child a choice, you don't discipline, but rather let them experience the consequences of that choice. It seems to be aimed more at older children (kids don't develop logic until around the age of 5, so while i think you can give younger children choices, i don't think you can expect them to understand the logical outcomes of more difficult choices when they are toddlers - the book doesn't touch on this issue.) The positive things i got out of this book included ways to frame choices so that they make sense to a child, and some ideas for how to ensure that making a choice resulted in logical consequences. (Choosing to yell at a restaurant must, at some point, result in not being allowed to remain in the restaurant.. even though this is hard on the parents.) Things that did not resonate with me included the extremes to which this approach was advocated (children arguing in a car are made to walk home, or children are expected to learn that not doing homework results in bad grades. I do not like the former because i don't think it is practical with our lifestyle and urban setting, and i do not like the latter because i do not think that kids are able to see the long term consequences of getting a bad grade in any meaningful way.), and also what felt to me like really manipulative suggested dialog. (Parents are encouraged not to say something like, 'You can choose to stop biting me, or to go to your room' because it smacks of offering a 'punishment' for an action. Rather, it is suggested to say something like 'You should feel free to come back to the living room when you are no longer biting me.' To me this is just taking the straightforward words away from the dialog, and i think any kid worth her salt will see right through it. It is exactly the sort of thing that would really piss me off if my parent used that type of phrasing. In fact, it annoyed me just reading through all the suggestions.)
As a result, i think i will try to retain ideas from this book, but not adopt it entirely. It does strike me that someone like Heidi might like it because it is entirely anti-punishment, and someone like Caitlin might like it because it discusses ways to incorporate the freedom the Fred advocates without losing the idea that there are consequences for actions.
At any rate, i'm also considering subscribing to a new parenting magazine. Are there any that people particularly recommend? I suspect i'll be happiest with something fairly balanced.
And, i think i might up and buy a text book for my next book - something on child development. Any recommendations there?
I have recently finished Parenting with Love and Logic. I got some things out of this book - the premise is that you always give your child a choice, you don't discipline, but rather let them experience the consequences of that choice. It seems to be aimed more at older children (kids don't develop logic until around the age of 5, so while i think you can give younger children choices, i don't think you can expect them to understand the logical outcomes of more difficult choices when they are toddlers - the book doesn't touch on this issue.) The positive things i got out of this book included ways to frame choices so that they make sense to a child, and some ideas for how to ensure that making a choice resulted in logical consequences. (Choosing to yell at a restaurant must, at some point, result in not being allowed to remain in the restaurant.. even though this is hard on the parents.) Things that did not resonate with me included the extremes to which this approach was advocated (children arguing in a car are made to walk home, or children are expected to learn that not doing homework results in bad grades. I do not like the former because i don't think it is practical with our lifestyle and urban setting, and i do not like the latter because i do not think that kids are able to see the long term consequences of getting a bad grade in any meaningful way.), and also what felt to me like really manipulative suggested dialog. (Parents are encouraged not to say something like, 'You can choose to stop biting me, or to go to your room' because it smacks of offering a 'punishment' for an action. Rather, it is suggested to say something like 'You should feel free to come back to the living room when you are no longer biting me.' To me this is just taking the straightforward words away from the dialog, and i think any kid worth her salt will see right through it. It is exactly the sort of thing that would really piss me off if my parent used that type of phrasing. In fact, it annoyed me just reading through all the suggestions.)
As a result, i think i will try to retain ideas from this book, but not adopt it entirely. It does strike me that someone like Heidi might like it because it is entirely anti-punishment, and someone like Caitlin might like it because it discusses ways to incorporate the freedom the Fred advocates without losing the idea that there are consequences for actions.
At any rate, i'm also considering subscribing to a new parenting magazine. Are there any that people particularly recommend? I suspect i'll be happiest with something fairly balanced.
And, i think i might up and buy a text book for my next book - something on child development. Any recommendations there?
