Sampson, 1/2006-5/2016
May. 19th, 2016 11:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
meganursulaThere has been a lot going on in my life. Annoying, and adult things. But the real reason it has taken me over a week to write this is that it just breaks my heart.
Our darling boy passed away on 5/8/2016. It wasn't exactly a surprise, because we'd had him at the vets a number of times in the past month for various problems. It all started when he was off his food for a day, so we brought him in for a checkup. The vet did a series of blood tests, followed up by an ultrasound, didn't find too much worrying aside from elevated liver values. In the next few weeks we progressed through giving him a bunch of liver-support meds, more tests, and a thorough tooth cleaning (in case tooth trouble was causing his reluctance to eat.) The vets couldn't find anything obvious wrong, and so we were trying to stay the course, entice him to eat, and watch.
When I left for Ct to see my family on 5/4 we were definitely feeling worried, but not that something was imminent. Josh took Sampson to Spokane to see his family over the weekend, and it sounds like Sampson went down hill very quickly once they were there. On Sunday Josh was going to take Sampson to an emergency vet, but, when he went to pick him up Sampson died in his arms.
There are so many things I feel here. I am coming to terms with the idea that we did the right things, and tried our hardest, but, I can't quite stop questioning - did we miss something? did we make a bad choice? could we have helped him? Is this somehow our fault? Its pointless, of course. He was something around 11 years old (he was not a newborn when we got him in January of 2006, but probably something like 9 months old). We knew he was sick. I hear that these things sometimes happen with dogs. And, we'll never know, but I would hate to think that I missed something that could help him.
I'm glad he was able to live his life up to the end. We went for a walk the day before I left and he seemed to enjoy it. He spent his last day sunning himself in one of his favorite places. He had people who loved him and cared for him the entire time he was with us. I'm glad he wasn't sick and in obvious pain for a very long time. But, dammit, I wasn't ready to lose him so soon. Wasn't ready at all.
I'm also very sad that I wasn't there with him. I feel like I should have been.
I miss the boy. I looked back through my tagged entries here, and a lot of them are about what a pain in the butt he was. And he was. But he was also constant company, with a happy greeting for us and our friends. He knew when one of us was sad, and would come sit with us. He asked for petting at night, cleaned up our spilled food, and let us know whenever someone showed up to visit. Maybe more than that for me - Sampson was my running companion, or walking companion. He was the reason I always felt safe - safe home alone, safe walking at night, safe when some strange person wanted to say hello. He was also my sanity. In my lowest moments a walk with Sampson could cheer me up.
So, my boy. I loved you. I hope you had a good life. Thank you.
Our darling boy passed away on 5/8/2016. It wasn't exactly a surprise, because we'd had him at the vets a number of times in the past month for various problems. It all started when he was off his food for a day, so we brought him in for a checkup. The vet did a series of blood tests, followed up by an ultrasound, didn't find too much worrying aside from elevated liver values. In the next few weeks we progressed through giving him a bunch of liver-support meds, more tests, and a thorough tooth cleaning (in case tooth trouble was causing his reluctance to eat.) The vets couldn't find anything obvious wrong, and so we were trying to stay the course, entice him to eat, and watch.
When I left for Ct to see my family on 5/4 we were definitely feeling worried, but not that something was imminent. Josh took Sampson to Spokane to see his family over the weekend, and it sounds like Sampson went down hill very quickly once they were there. On Sunday Josh was going to take Sampson to an emergency vet, but, when he went to pick him up Sampson died in his arms.
There are so many things I feel here. I am coming to terms with the idea that we did the right things, and tried our hardest, but, I can't quite stop questioning - did we miss something? did we make a bad choice? could we have helped him? Is this somehow our fault? Its pointless, of course. He was something around 11 years old (he was not a newborn when we got him in January of 2006, but probably something like 9 months old). We knew he was sick. I hear that these things sometimes happen with dogs. And, we'll never know, but I would hate to think that I missed something that could help him.
I'm glad he was able to live his life up to the end. We went for a walk the day before I left and he seemed to enjoy it. He spent his last day sunning himself in one of his favorite places. He had people who loved him and cared for him the entire time he was with us. I'm glad he wasn't sick and in obvious pain for a very long time. But, dammit, I wasn't ready to lose him so soon. Wasn't ready at all.
I'm also very sad that I wasn't there with him. I feel like I should have been.
I miss the boy. I looked back through my tagged entries here, and a lot of them are about what a pain in the butt he was. And he was. But he was also constant company, with a happy greeting for us and our friends. He knew when one of us was sad, and would come sit with us. He asked for petting at night, cleaned up our spilled food, and let us know whenever someone showed up to visit. Maybe more than that for me - Sampson was my running companion, or walking companion. He was the reason I always felt safe - safe home alone, safe walking at night, safe when some strange person wanted to say hello. He was also my sanity. In my lowest moments a walk with Sampson could cheer me up.
So, my boy. I loved you. I hope you had a good life. Thank you.
