feminism

[meganursula]

Right now, on Weekday (KUOW) they are interviewing Gloria Steinem and Amy Richards about modern feminism. I am amazed at how what they are saying resonates with what i have been saying about the state of gender equality today. If only i had her facility with words, perhaps i could express these things in a more compelling way. I must say, i am quite pleased, too, because these people see the same problems that i see, and some how that justifies my sense of injustice. Its not just me feeling out of sorts, but, something that, at least some educated people, really do see as a societal issue.

If you'd like to know more about what i'm trying to say, go find my recent posts of women in the work place, and on motherhood.

One of the things that they talked about today, that really resonates with me, is that our society's balance of work/personal life is out of whack. Its out of whack for everyone - not just working moms. The imbalance punishes working moms more visibly because this group of people is not usually able to compromise on the personal to meet the work demands.

The goal should be that EVERY person has the ability to perform well and succeed in a career, as well as to pursue an outside interest. The goal should be that both fathers and mothers can be working parents, and have the same ability to work and support the house hold. When polled, usually both men and women agree with this concept, but progress towards the ideal is slow.

I also appreciated the comment that, while we see a lot more contribution to parenting by fathers today than we used to, this doesn't mean that it is an equal contribution. This really is my perception, but it is validating to hear someone studying the field agree with me.

Finally, i was interested in the comment that it shouldn't be either/or - you shouldn't have to be EITHER a stay-at-home-parent OR a fully engaged member of society. It is worth remembering, that even parents who choose not to earn money by working outside of the home can still be engaged members of society.

I'm not sure what i'm saying here, but, perhaps if you listen to the recording of this morning show you will also get something out of it.

Comments

[cheesepuppet.livejournal.com]

This has been bothering me for a long time, but less on a gender level than on an "everyone" level. I tried to talk about this recently in another setting, and no one really thought it was valid. I was commenting that all my reading about anxiety has led to reading about stress as a societal problem in general, and how our balance between work and leisure time is so out of whack that we make ourselves sick.

One person said she thought that was false, that we likely work a lot less than we used to, that the perception we work more now than we did in years past was an illusion. Personally, I think she's wrong, but I didn't feel like arguing about it.

I haven't listened to the show, but I share your relief that the observation is being validated.

I'm curious to know how they determine which gender does more work at home, either with children or in the household in general. Around here, I do much more housework, but Greg does easily 50% of the childcare, which has impressed me for years, considering he works full time and I rarely have.

[mh75.livejournal.com]

One point made was that Obama is lauded as a wonderful, active, and engaged dad. But, Obama himself repeatedly says that he is no where near an equal parent - his career demands means that he does far less than half of the parenting and house hold. While we think that men today are more engaged (and they are), and forgive them a lot because of that, its worth noting that the dad is still very rarely doing half the effort.

Another point is that it is still, extremely largely, the woman of the household that does things like ensures that annual check-ups are set up and made, that dentist appointments are taken care of, that holiday plans are made, that thank you cards are written, that grocery lists are made, that someone stays home when the kids are sick, etc. etc. This is certainly my experience - while the guys may be doing a lot in terms of pure household chores or spending time with the kids, all the rest of the day to day worries and concerns fall to the gals. Many of the women i know get overwhelmed by this additional stress and tasking that falls to them. Even if the guy does 50% of the listable household chores (which seems rare), all the little shit adds up and seems to fall to the gal.

I know that is a really general and stereotypical statement. It is also consistent with my experience and what i hear from vast numbers of people (personally and impersonally) about the state of family life in the US. I don't know how to fix it - it seems like each family is finding a balance, and it doesn't seem, from the outside, that it would be that hard to request more equality. I don't get that the men are purposely shirking here - and would probably step up if they knew how. However, it doesn't seem to be working out that way. One huge component, either cause or effect, i don't know, is that the female's job is also taken less seriously - that is, the female can take time off, work short hours, etc. The male expectation seems to be that everything can be shunted off for 'bread winning'.

Your case may be somewhat abnormal, both because of who you guys are, and because Greg works at home. I suspect Josh would be more involved with the household if he worked at home, although i still don't really have a handle on why it is always me who remembers to set up dentist appointments, or call to have the fridge repaired.

[hosterman.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the topic. It is definitely a relevant one for me. Trying to be a stay-at-mom and an active member of society is an ideal that I don't really feel that I've achieved. I also heartily agree with the assessment about gender differences in parenting and household responsibilities. What would C do if I stopped making appts, paying the bills, doing the filing, going through the mail, etc, etc? Unfortunately it would hurt me as much as it would hurt him so the experiment is not worth it to me.