Megan Hazen (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
meganursula) wrote2003-04-15 10:23 am
meganursula) wrote2003-04-15 10:23 am
gripe
Ahhh... no one really wants to read this
Where to start.
All weekend I sat around thinking things like , 'wow, lots of people had breakfast at Pamela's today.', or 'Everyone else is at MadMex right now.'. I haven't been that homesick in a long time. It was a weekend to be annoyed with Seattle. Sigh.
Yesterday I walked home along 17th ave, which is to UW what Beeler or Morewood is to CMU. Once you get a block away from campus, though, there are truly beautiful houses. Also, Seattle is in full spring. THe day was clear, and bright, and there are more flowers than you can imagine. Lawns are fresh and green, trees are in bloom, and colors are bright.
I wonder, if i let myself, would i feel the connection to this city that i did to Pgh? I used to love walking to school through the park, and breathing in the fesh air. It always felt so peaceful to me. My walk home yesterday approached that.
But, I dunno, most of the last few days i've been feeling irritable and disatisfied. I don't think there is a real reason, except for some overwhelming feeling of frustration with my life. Why does that happen? Its not as though i lead a bad life, in the big scheme of things. Ack!
Josh's friend Bill, and his fiance, Katje, had a very brief visit with us this weekend. This is good, especially for Josh, but, i like them, too.
Yesterday we had dinner with Miranda, and her parents. This is weird. Miranda and I have fought so much recently - we can't seem to get along with each other in person. I feel like a bit of a fraud going to dinner with her family, and saying goodbye, and such. (Mir is leaving Seattle today.) And yet, it is also sad to see her go. Whatever our differences, we were once good friends, and i wish we still were. I wish her to best in life, and hope that her spring is successful. Maybe we'll be better friends once we're on email again?
Role playing is still up in the air, as no one else wants to take care of the damned thing. My week is feeling hectic. I wonder why i bother with these things?
School is annoying me. I keep having all these computer problems - not being able to get software to run, and not being able to log into things. I'm feeling pessimistic about my chances of doing well this spring, and annoyed that i am so bad at all this stuff. I'm back to wondering what the hell i'm doing all this for. Maybe if i could do the simple stuff, like get something to run on my computer, or log into the CS dept. i would feel better. Maybe the problem is bigger than that.
Money issues are rearing their ugly head, and they just make it more frustrating when i think about getting out of what i'm doing now. I don't really have any marketable skills, nor any real desire to do any sort of full time job, but i don't have the option of just not working. Even working almost-full time wouldn't pay for all of our bills. bah!
I have to make a presentation before my class at 12:30. It is about the project that i will do for that class this spring. The presentation isn't hard, but damned if i really know what i'm going to do for the stupid project. I am not intruigued by any of the possibilities. Maybe i shouldn't be taking that class at all?
bleh.
Anyone know what i can get Josh for his birthday tonight? Should be small, but he still deserves something nice.
Good things:
spring days
flowering trees
built to spill
framed walls in our basement
coffee
Where to start.
All weekend I sat around thinking things like , 'wow, lots of people had breakfast at Pamela's today.', or 'Everyone else is at MadMex right now.'. I haven't been that homesick in a long time. It was a weekend to be annoyed with Seattle. Sigh.
Yesterday I walked home along 17th ave, which is to UW what Beeler or Morewood is to CMU. Once you get a block away from campus, though, there are truly beautiful houses. Also, Seattle is in full spring. THe day was clear, and bright, and there are more flowers than you can imagine. Lawns are fresh and green, trees are in bloom, and colors are bright.
I wonder, if i let myself, would i feel the connection to this city that i did to Pgh? I used to love walking to school through the park, and breathing in the fesh air. It always felt so peaceful to me. My walk home yesterday approached that.
But, I dunno, most of the last few days i've been feeling irritable and disatisfied. I don't think there is a real reason, except for some overwhelming feeling of frustration with my life. Why does that happen? Its not as though i lead a bad life, in the big scheme of things. Ack!
Josh's friend Bill, and his fiance, Katje, had a very brief visit with us this weekend. This is good, especially for Josh, but, i like them, too.
Yesterday we had dinner with Miranda, and her parents. This is weird. Miranda and I have fought so much recently - we can't seem to get along with each other in person. I feel like a bit of a fraud going to dinner with her family, and saying goodbye, and such. (Mir is leaving Seattle today.) And yet, it is also sad to see her go. Whatever our differences, we were once good friends, and i wish we still were. I wish her to best in life, and hope that her spring is successful. Maybe we'll be better friends once we're on email again?
Role playing is still up in the air, as no one else wants to take care of the damned thing. My week is feeling hectic. I wonder why i bother with these things?
School is annoying me. I keep having all these computer problems - not being able to get software to run, and not being able to log into things. I'm feeling pessimistic about my chances of doing well this spring, and annoyed that i am so bad at all this stuff. I'm back to wondering what the hell i'm doing all this for. Maybe if i could do the simple stuff, like get something to run on my computer, or log into the CS dept. i would feel better. Maybe the problem is bigger than that.
Money issues are rearing their ugly head, and they just make it more frustrating when i think about getting out of what i'm doing now. I don't really have any marketable skills, nor any real desire to do any sort of full time job, but i don't have the option of just not working. Even working almost-full time wouldn't pay for all of our bills. bah!
I have to make a presentation before my class at 12:30. It is about the project that i will do for that class this spring. The presentation isn't hard, but damned if i really know what i'm going to do for the stupid project. I am not intruigued by any of the possibilities. Maybe i shouldn't be taking that class at all?
bleh.
Anyone know what i can get Josh for his birthday tonight? Should be small, but he still deserves something nice.
Good things:
spring days
flowering trees
built to spill
framed walls in our basement
coffee